Library Monitor's Report (3)

Some people have asked what made me want to be Library Monitor. e voici

Lionel Lindsay.  Breeding will out.

Library Monitor's Report (2)

I am proud to announce that, due to my relentless efforts, 100% of library books are on loan.  We should think of getting another one (book, not library). Potential donors can be assured that they will receive a lovely letter like this:

Grimshaw’s Academy  River Bank  Wentworth-on-Darling  Australia  The World

Miss Honey Parsons

3 Purdey (yuk) Lane

Darien, CT

USA

Dear Miss Honey Parsons

As Head Perfect of Grimshaw’s Academy for Young Ladies of Good Breeds, it is my pleasure to thank you for your generous donation to our library of ‘The Book for Dangerous Dogs’ by Rex and Sparky.  Rolling in duck poo would give me more pleasure, but duty must.

Miss Grimshaw has given Readings from The Good Book at Assembelly (of which we’ve had a few recently).  Many tears have rolled as The Gels realize their good fortune to attend Grimshaw’s while others eke out an education with an Owner (a concept explained to us by Grimshaw) and Indoor Environment.  Of course, some lucky devils go to Hogwarts.

However we ourselves have been glad of indoor assembellies recently – respite from the midday sun if not English persons.  Fortunately we have Sam The Useful to take us for swimming, water studies and aqua ecology, definitely the best subjects offered at Grimshaw’s.

Little Dr (awarded precociously) Siss and I have contemplated complementing the Dangerous tome with Australian input, but it’s too hot.  It has been suggested that Rex and Sparky are our noms de plume, but that is nonsense.

Admittedly chapters on ‘Easter Burgling’ and ‘SEM Boy Trouser Destruction’ by Sammy Brown, ‘Bandicoot Slaughter’ ‘Swimming Naked In The Bay’ and ‘Sausage Rolls by Stealth’ by Dr Hoover Hatbox, and ‘Puddle Wallowing in Tasmania’ ‘Chocolate Birthday Cake Modification’ and ‘The Cat’s Food 2 Doors Down’ by Emma L.A.T.S.F-D Mars would round out the volume.  Articles by lesser known writers could include ‘Using 2 Corgis to Keep Children Off a Slide in Wales’ by Shoni and Sian, ‘Nearly Dying of Thirst Outside a Suburban Milk Bar:  a proven technique to get adolescent girls to spend their pocket money on chocolate milk’ by Donovan D Dog, ‘Eating Perilously in Newcastle’ by Ish, and ‘Climbing Ornamental Trees to Good Effect in an Adelaide Garden’ by Angel.  Actually Emma and I could publish our joint thesis ‘Nearly Drowning as a Puppy:  a strategy to totally control Grimshaw’, but I’d better keep a cuppla things up my sleeve.  I don’t want young poodles with ridiculous names like Gloria slithering down the rainbow full of tricks and Good Ideas.

Have I mentioned it’s hot?  I have been ogling your snow-cave.  You are very lucky to have so many people to boss about. I would like to suggest that you get Oscar and Remi to teach you the stirring Grimshaw Academy anthem and sing it at the top of your voices for hours.  Your father will love it.

Yours in sniggering

Rosie Burglar Gladstone-Bag

Head Prefect

Grimshaw’s Academy

The aforesaid mentioned tome is currently on loan to Rufus de Poodle who writes

Rufus writes quite well for one so recently down the rainbow.  Sissy wants me to tell you that she likes Rufus because he is a boy.  I am glad he is not GLORIA.  I say no more.

A Week of Culture

Actually we have been hit hard by culture this week. Last weekend we were entertained by a visiting South Australian Education Department School of the Air music teacher.  I thought of Ms Walkem as I listened to Jeff Beck's Nessun Dorma http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfCSSBTb2wU on Classic FM.  I ask myself:  'What is Classical Music?'

Siss has been inspired to write this poem

The Dog

by Little Doctor Siss

The dog

sat on a log.

He looked a lot like Ringo.

I looked again, perchance, and saw he was a dingo.

I say nothing.

Rosie Burglar Gladstone-Bag xxxx

The Ballet School off the Air

We have been privileged this week to have attended BSotA courtesy of Classic FM.  We have danced Coppelia.  Of course, I danced Swanhilde / Coppelia.  Siss was Franz en travesti.  Siss does not like girls.  I don't much like Swan Hill.  I wore my fluffy shorts and Siss wore her lycra tights.
Rosie Burglar Gladstone-Bag xxxx

Library Monitor / Communications Trainee Report

Please find below copies of the 2002 Year Book.  I can find no others despite an exhaustive shelf-search.

Rosie Burglar Gladstone-Bag xxxx

International Day of Lickety Paw

I have chosen this day to launch the esteemed Academy's blog.  Miss Grimshaw likes to launch blogs in this way.  I only found out it is the International Day of Lickety Paw cos Siss told me and she was licking her right front paw at the time.  I know it is true cos Siss is such a suckhole goody goody.
Rosie Burglar Gladstone-Bag, Communications Trainee et al xxxx